when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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