I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
