a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
