I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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