You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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