Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
