hell yes lets make some ravioli
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
