The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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