yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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