i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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