What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
