dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
