Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
