I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
