im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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