I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
