I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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