you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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