You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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