I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
