Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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