false alarm. still invincible.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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