i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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