Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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