that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
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