You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
