boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
