chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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