I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
