I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
