I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
