I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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