Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize