I will die if light touches me.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
