Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
