I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
