You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
