i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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