the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
