it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize