Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
