got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
