I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
