I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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