I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Are we still banned from the library?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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