I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
