Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
