Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
