Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
