My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
