Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
