you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
