gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
