hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Randomize