we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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