I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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