I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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