so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
