I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize