Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
