No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
