We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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