Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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