DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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