You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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