I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize