How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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