Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
