I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
