Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
