my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
