Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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