was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
