I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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