Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
